• The best state of mind to go into a discussion where you know there will be opposing points of view is to be calm. A wise one told me once, “He who controls his breath controls the room.” He told me that calm people are always in control of their breathing, and if you notice, their breathing is slow, deep, and steady because when you breathe this way your body has a better chance of remaining physically calm. If you remain calm, others tend to follow suit. If not, eventually they will simmer down because who wants to argue with a calm person. The key though is to be calm & present versus calm & distant.

• One of the toughest times to be diplomatic and calm is when you are dealing with “institutions” like any government agency, gatekeepers, or the department of motor vehicles. Who hasn’t wanted to strangle someone at DMV? There are times when I notice that I am starting to sound bitchy and mean which only makes the other person defensive, thus making it almost impossible for me to get what I need. In this situation, to diffuse the tension that is arising, I say, “Look, I’m sorry for being a pain the ass. I know it is not you. I know you’re just doing your job and following company policies. You have a tough job to do. So, again I apologize for my rudeness. {By now, the other person is feeling better and lowering their defenses, and they will typically say unless you’ve been a complete a-hole, “Oh that’s okay. I can see why you’re upset.} With a better understanding of each other, I can now ask, “So, really, are there any other options available to me. I’ll even talk to a manager or higher up if you want me to.” By saying…”if you want me to”…it makes that person feel like you’d take the burden of doing something they don’t want to do like talk to a superior which in actuality would be ideal if you could talk to that superior. 9 out of 10 times, I end up getting what I need without having to talk to that superior.

• One of the best ways to disarm your opponent’s defensiveness and edge your way into getting your points in is through compliments. Yes, the old adage “you get farther with honey than you do with spice” still works wonders. The best types of compliments include ones about the person’s smarts, passion or wisdom. Examples include, “I admire a person who is passionate about their ideals. May I respond with the same passion.”…”You are obviously very educated on this topic. May I add some more information to add to your knowledge.”…”I can see your point. Someone with your insight and wide perspective without a doubt can see other points of view.”

• When things get really heated and everyone including yourself is reacting out of pure emotions where nothing is getting accomplished except frustration, the best thing is to just stop and say, “I think we need a break to cool off, rest, and get our perspective back. Let’s talk about this more {designate a specific date/time}.” When debates have been going on for a long time people are just tired, and when we get tired and cranky nothing win/win can manifest. It’s okay and good to stop to re-group.

• Sometimes, a win/win can simply be, “We agree to disagree.” Both of you acknowledge that each has their set point of view, and it isn’t going to budge, but that’s okay. A discussion does not have always have to end with “I’m right. You’re wrong.” For the moment, it can simply be, “We agree to disagree.”

Last week, this is what I did tiny changes-wise:

• With gas prices being so high where I live {it’s now at $4.51/gallon for 87 gas}, I have been more diligent about asking myself if I really need to drive that day. It’s gotten me better at planning my outings so that I don;t have to drive every day of the week. I’d rather spend money on food, than on gas which right now is where I’ve been cutting for gas money.

1. Prepare a designated notebook for each subject, or you can just use one notebook, but remember not to mix them up, separate them properly.
2. Every time you finish a chapter in class, make a summary about it, and don’t forget to write the key point of what you learned.
3. Review them once a week, just use the summary and key point, you only need to read from the notebook if you forget about something.
4. Create a mind maps, with image and graphics, this will help you review your lesson faster.
5. If you have time , try to get more information about a topic from the internet, library, and take a note about it, this will help you to understand about a topic better.
6. Set yourself a study time, choose time when you’re not tired, and less distracted.
7. Join a study group or create one, this will help you when you don’t understand about a particular problem in a subject and share ideas and thought about it.

Now you should feel confident about exams, now the following tips would cover about what you should do when you’re facing exams:

1. Mark the time of the exams on your calendar, so you can be prepared when the time comes.
2. Do a try out exams, you can do this with your study groups, every one to create a question, combine them and do them.
3. Get enough rest at night before the exams. seriously it is harder to concentrate when you don’t have enough sleep.
4. When studying, study the hardest one first, this is because if you study the easiest one first, then when you get to the hard part, you would be too tired, and combine with the facts that they’re hard it would be much much more harder to understand it.

Good luck.

Although its not full-proof tricks but it can help you to show the steps on how to start your “quit smoking” program.

1. First you need to have a strong will and determination to quit smoking. without it all of the next steps would be useless.
2. Set when your program should start, and when it should end. note that when the program is end, you must be already quit your smoking habit, try to set a reasonable program (ex: a 40 days program). I mean stop smoking with a one day program its almost impossible isn’t it.
3. Make it hard to smoke. remove all the smoking equipment, don’t keep any pack of cigarettes, remove all lighters and matches from anywhere around you.
4. Avoid another smoker.
5. Tell your friends and family so that they can support you in your quit-smoking program, and know why you’re staying away from your smoking friend (a good friend should understand this).
6. Use replacement for your smoke like chewing gum, or candy, or anything that has nothing to do with tobacco.
7. Survive the first 3 day, then the first week.
8. If you really can’t stand and want to smoke when in this program you must use a different brand from what you are usually use, and never ever smoke the same brand twice.
9. If that still doesn’t work try a hypnosis program.

Good luck.

Now I want you to make two list of things or inventory about the things that you can control, and what you can NOT control, this “things/inventory” is anything that supposed or able to help you to achieve your goals.

You should be aware by now that most of “cause” is controllable, and most of result are uncontrollable. For example, you can train as hard as you can on to be the best at sport you liked, or you are able to do a very good marketing projection on the future.

These are all in your control, you take the wheels on this.But to be the champion on a tournament of the sport that you liked, or to achieve the selling just like what you have projected would be out of your control. The point is you may regret on the thing that fail while you can still control it, and on the contrary, you should let it go when it happen on the uncontrollable part.
Do this listing objectively and don’t get caught in a ”blaming game”.

“From Bitter to Better”

If you are like most of the people, then you should know the best critics for yourself is the one that come from yourself. Your own mind and words often influence your feeling, both negative mind and words will worsened your feeling when you’re down. And so on.Words like:

”I can never get things done”

”I am really a fool”

”Oh God, how could I be so stupid”

You feel bad about feel bad. Forget about the things that you can’t control, And if you can find things that you you can control, asses your mind and feeling right away.

”Well it’s easier to said then done, I’m the one who experience it, not you!”

Maybe you right, and the only reason you can’t change that expression with something more positive, is because you DIDN’T want to change it. From now on try to use positive words, It will help you to stand up again when you’re down.

For example:

”Oh God, how could I be so stupid”

erase and change it with:

”I know it’s a mistake and I’ve been wrong, and now I know what’s best, so I can do it better”

What other think about you doesn’t have to be your reality
What you are now is different from you in the past, what you need to tell yourself is

”some will, some won’t, so what, next..”.

”Several opportunity would open up for me, some maybe not, so what, whats next..”

Just keep on moving, because.. “Failure is not permanent, unless you quit”

And here’s a bad news: Success is also not permanent, after you reach it, you must hold it. But the good news is so does failure, it wont be permanent unless you decided to quit.

Ok, let’s just stop for a few minute to reevaluate. Used the principles in this article. And focus on the chance and opportunity that has alined up ahead of you.

“New Chance would heal old wound”

Someone has been hurt.
And so he sits alone on the corner, and start to feels his painnot long after that, he start to lick his wound Hoping it to heal soon and He kept doing it hopefully under the shadow of his pain.
After sometime passed, someone came and open the doorBright light came trough on his wound.
The person who open the door said, come with me and playLet’s meet someone, and have fun.
It’s just like that, and the fun will begin again.

The exact thing work for your failure, dont just sit silently and licking your wound, look around you for ne chance and opportunity.

So what about it, would you just stay there in the dark, wet and dump place down there?
Or you would reach my hand, arise together to grab new chances.

To actively improve our brain we should always use our brain, like learn more, as it will create more connections between brain cells, even if we don’t practice the skill for decades the connections will still exist, maybe weakened a bit but not gone.

There are a few tips to how to improve our brain performance which I collected from several source over book and internet:

1. Do a body exercise, you would gain two benefits by doing this, first it would help improve your cardiovascular health and second it would reduce your stress level, why because when we workout our body release some kind of stress reducer called endorphin, see http://greenbenefit.blogspot.com/2007/11/not-heart-to-hurt.html on benefit of cardio exercise.

2. Exercise your brain, by learning new things, like sutdy foreign language, playing brain stimulating games, or even finding a new hobby, as it will create more connectivity between your brain cells.

3. Train your motoric skill, use your left hand to write if you are right handed, or do juggling.

3. Always have enough sleep (6 hours is common, 8-9 hours is ideal), without enough sleep would causes cognitive impairment later in life, and beside that you won’t be able to think clearly and would be easier to forget something.

4. Get enough food for your brain, like antioxidant vitamins, B vitamins (B12) and folate are important for brain cells function.

5. Keep an eye on your health, disease like blood pressure, high cholesterol and obesity may increase the risk of Alzheimer’s disease.

6. Recheck your drugs, since some prescription and over the counter drugs may cause memory or concentration problems.

7. Reduce your smoking habit.

8. Excess on caffeine and alcohol are bad, try to reduce it.

9. Meditate; if you can meditate properly it can help reduce your stress level, since stress can cause a short term memory loss, inability to focus, confusion and agitation.